Dark Side of Josh

2002-03-06T23:56:00.000-08:00

You have one real choice to make in life, Get Busy Living or Get busy Dying. I sit here with still teary eyes from blubbering like an idiot. I just finished watching SHAWSHANK REDEPTION. One of the greatest movies, and it just backs up my desire to just move away, to just leave my life, i mean i love what i have here, but i have this calling to simpleize. Build a cabin in the moutains, a hut on the beach, work on a swiss cattle farm, a house on stilts in idonessia. You may say that i am a dreamer, but i think i might accully do that. Well enjoy life, be nice to me because each time you see me, it could be the last, i think i might just get up and go. JOSH WAS HERE.

2002-03-04T00:10:00.000-08:00

Well, Well, Well, Here i sit, a new man since i last wrote in this diary, as i sit back and re-read my last couple intries, i am just dumbfounded how my life has changed. Exacly one week after i wrote that last entry something happened to me, something that had never happend to me, something that hcanged me for ever. A girl liked me, a girl wanted me and i wanted her. Ever since life has been so amazing. Meghan is my inspriation. I like who i am when i am with her, and i like who i am now when i am not with her cuz i am thinking of her. I just am having a wicked good time in life right now, i am totally sorry i havn't had time to update, but you all know how life can travel at the speed of light and stuff. Soo cherrio to my chaps, i am back and hope to update daily if not at least weekly. Also look towards a new site of mine, a super site if you will a site that i can show my art work on, make updates and also rant about my jones soda. A "one stop rocking" site, well my friends ROCK ON, until our paths cross again
Trip Away, Make no stay
Meet me at the break of day

2002-01-01T23:14:00.000-08:00

FRIEND?
Anyone looking for a friend? Anyone looking for someone to talk to? Anyone looking to listen to someone? For some reason i feel alone right now, i am in a box and the rest of the world watches my every move, yet i have no one to cry to. It seems like i am the left behind, the rest of the world is moving at this incredible rate and i just sit in the distance begging to be at their speed. It is like that one eppisodeof the old star trek, where the people are on the ship, but they move so fast that the crew can't see them, and to the "new" alienes, the crew moves so slow it seems like they are statues. that is my life, i am a statue. no one wants to slow down, and i can't seem to speed up. i dont' know what is going on, i am so happy right now, yet so sad. it is like when you go out side in the summer bare foot, and you touch the burning hot concrete, for that split second it feels cool to the touch, then a burning sensation hits your feet and you are in pain. or when you grab ice and it is soo cold it feels like it is burning. IT is amazing how analagies are everywhere, you can't hide from them. I want to meet new people, i want to make new friends, i want to meet people who can slow down and help me speed up. I want to fit in.

2001-12-17T21:34:00.000-08:00

i don't know if you will read this, but i wanted to let you know i miss you. I miss our time together, our drives, our talks. i miss cuddling in my bed, and asking "what are you thinking?", i miss our silence, the kind of silence that makes you happy. i miss your smile, i miss the way you look when you sleep. I miss going to the parkade together and how you woudln't letme take anyone else up there. I miss coffee shops, Kazeebos in bush park and blanket drives to croisen mountain. I miss jones soda with you, and how the fortures always meant something to us, i miss how you would'nt let me watch you drink your soda. I miss they way you didn't like people who were mean to me, and wouldn't let me think it was ok people were mean to me. I miss hugs after football games, i miss late nights talking to you and your mom. i miss my bed, your bed, and kathryn's bed. i miss the smell of popcorn and baked potatoes. I miss los biez and how you never ate anything. i miss missing movies and it was ok. i miss hot tubs and warm truck hoods. i miss the sound of the rain mixing with the sound of your gentle sleeping breath, it conforted me.i miss sleep overs and truth or day. i miss your cruelty to animals when we feed them. i miss football pants and holding hands. i miss giving you hugs and letting you "shift" my stick shift in my truck like a little kid. I miss holding you when your sad, i miss walking you to your car and you to mine. I miss opening doors, and i wish we never closed the door on us. I miss you, what i am raelly trying to say when i say "i miss you" is something i don't know i ever said to you, i love you.

2001-11-28T19:31:00.000-08:00

I gave blood today, be nice to me. Do you realize what that says and means? Today i decided that insted of worrying about my own body i was going to save 3 lives. Today i let someone pluck me and take the very essence of my being away, they took my blood, what else do i really have in life besides my blood and bones? And they took that from me. That is one of the most selfless act you can perform. IT isn't as much the pain issue, that it hurts so it must mean more, it is the symbol it gives the world, i will give up me, my body for a complete stranger, the odds of me knowning the person the blood goes to is slim to none, or even if i did they woudln't no it, you will not be thanked for you actions. As a society we do so many things just to get reactions from the world, that "thank you" is what many people do things for. You don't get it in this, besides the wanna be nurses who thank you alot. This is between you and you, no one is making you do it. IT just blows my mind to think i saved three peoples lives today. Really it was triumphant, it was in a way like climbing a mountain. i am not a big fan of needles, accually to be honest i am petrafied of them. not as much as other people i know (mike ketler) but i none the less do not like the idea of cold metal being shoved in my vains, kinda creeps me out to be honest. And hearing all the horror stories didnt' help much, "one time when i got an iv, they missed my vains and my hand practicly blew up", "oh the people in the white coats, they arn't doctors, they are volunteers, and more often than not ex-drug addicts, they know where the vains are the best." by the way both of those quotes are from my mother a nurse. It was strange being in the gym withall these beds and machines around, and these white coat clad people moving around on chairs. But even though it may not have been the best feeling thing in the world I left there feeling like I made a difference and that is an incredible feeling.

2001-11-25T22:39:00.000-08:00

Magnolia, magnolia, magnolia, if anyone ever needs a supper quick depression pill just watch magnolia, i have seen it so many times before, but tonight i just felt like watching it, and i did, i had to shut it off i was getting too depressed. MY GOD IS THAT DEPRESSING! i think i am going to have my self a cry and go to bed!

2001-11-20T22:52:00.000-08:00

I turned in my pads today, handed a short balding man my shoulder pads and my striped helmet full of mud and dirt stains. My reds and whites, my game uniforms i gave to him, never to be worn by me in battle ever again. Sometimes there are somethings in your life, that you just do. you breathe, you wake up, i play football. And you just assume they will always be there for you. i feeling i may never suit up for a game again is tearing me apart inside. There is a young fellow in one of my classes who as taken a liking to me. "josh, you know, i belive you have a better chance to get in the NFL than vanlue, freingno, and lucas all put together." he bugs the hell out of me, but for some strange reason he seems me as a football god. "how many colleges are looking at you to come and play for you with a full ride." im sorry jeff none, to be honest i am not very good, it made me happy in high school, but for most of the world that is all it will ever be. It crushes me to have to tell this boy that i am never going to play football again.
What crushes me even more is the fact that it wasn't supposed to be this way. State champion was supposed to be my destany, i was going to get a football gf (like that was ever going to happen) a letterman's jacket for her to wear and i was going to be afucking champion. I was going to be the best at something, the world was going to look at me and say, he is the best. my dreams of football gf's are over, now i just hope to some day get a gf.
As i cleared out my locker of my cherrised items that remind me of the last two years i had spent in that locker, geering up for the greatest days of my life, i realized how much high school football has ment for me. I lift wts for football, i run to get faster for football, i almost feel like i have no goals anymore. There were so many goals i never completed in football so many things i would have done differently, well i guess that is life.
now that i think about it, my time may have run out in high school ball, but i am just half way through the first quarter of that big football game of life, i dont' plan on turning those pads in for a while.

2001-10-03T22:51:00.000-07:00

i hate the feeling of being realy tight with someone, then the next time you see them, they give you that look like they have never seen you before. I hate the feeling of sitting alone outside and seeing the moon so bright and listening to ben folds' saddest songs while you just sit and say, why can't my life be happy, like it used to be. I hate the fact i can never be complete, that i can never been content. i hate the fact that we teach our children perfection only for them to someday grow up and realize there is such thing. I hate the feeling of being in the loop, yet really you are just inthe middle getting the information late. I hate it when people say hate is too srtong of word, sometimes it is the only word that can really describe life. I hate that i strive for love and such, yet at times all i can feel is hate. i hate how you can be in a good mood one min and the littlest thing can throw into a hate binge.

2001-09-09T01:59:00.000-07:00

Over the summer, i have realized something, something special, sleeping. no no no i am not just talking about sleeping as in the way every single high school student, loves to sleep, sleep in sleep, power nap, no none of that, i am talking about something more special. I have realized, sleeping with a member of the opposite sex, not sex. but just the act of slubber in the same quarters as a female (in my case) no sexual touching at all, i mean contact is ok, it is hard to explain unless you have experienced. call me corny call me stupid call me what you will, but there is no experience like spending the night with a girl.

2001-06-26T19:47:00.000-07:00

THE GREATEST THING YOU WILL EVER LEARN IS TO LOVE AND BELOVED IN RETURN

SOME TIMES YOUR MAD AT A PERSON SO LONG YOU FORGET WHY YOU WERE MAD IN THE FIRST PLACE

2001-06-26T19:45:00.000-07:00

Ever thought you were over someone? like truly thought you didn't have to worry about getting your hopes up, staying up late wishing you could be with them, thinking of them everytime you heard a love song on the radio? Was so excited cuz you didnt have to worry about it anymore, you could just focus on being good friends. what if the rules changed? what if all of a sudden, now you are out of the picture and they are out of your picture, they changed their whole outlook on guys and dating? what would u do? would you think all the things they said to you to reasure you it wasn't you, was just bullshit to soften the inevitable, you were rejected, there is no way to candy coat it, YOU WERE REJECTED. It is all so clear now, she has moved on, and now you realize you are still living 2 months ago when she would hug you, and call you, and you are living in the past. well the green light on the dock is nothing but trouble but you can't turn back. allyou have to do giveup, nothing else to do but that, you can't pull a "graduate", no singing her a song on a plane, no throwing rocks and windows, leaving flowers, it is over. it is that post camp feeling, where only days before you had your whole future too look for, and as you sit back and look at the past, you get that knot in your stomach. and you can't tell if you are sad it is over or sad you didn't make differn't choices. well if you havn't noticed, i am kinda bummed right now, i shouldn't be, she didn't do anything wrong, well neither did i, sometimes things don't work out, i am such a puss when it comes to this shit. i need to have a jones and play my axe. by the way i really hope she is happy, seriously after i get over this pathetic pitty party i really hope the best for her, in all seriousness i don't care what happens to me, but i care so much for her and as long as she is happy i aswell will be happy.

2001-06-21T00:40:00.000-07:00

Today, as i was playing football in the heated day, i noticed that it was very windy. and there i saw it, it was a simple dust twister, you all know what they look like. well as i watched this twister from on a tennis court only feet away, i watched it move over to a grassy area, where only minutes before young resting players were devouring much needed lunches. as these slobbish fools had left behind their trash this twister of amazment came right on by. as these plastic bags once containing chips and hastly made sandwitches were caught by this spinning demon they were hoisted high into the sky. we have all seen such an event, but my friends this was amazingly beautifuly different. as i watched a simple bag being tossed and turned i look above and saw trash floating hundreds of feet above me, i haveno idea how it happened but there it was just rising farther and farther higher and higher into the sky. it was incredible, i was mesmorized by this floating debree. well forgive me for going american beauty on you, but if you could only have seen this, it was awe inspirering.

2001-06-15T01:18:00.000-07:00

Who am i? who is joshua james johnson? what makes me me, and not someone else? what is the true differnence from me and someone else, a single differn't cell that threw off the whole strand creating two totally differn't people, we could be the same if the at cell would have just been differn't, but would we be the same? what has made me who i am? as this "yearbook signing" frenzy has finally cessed i sit back and read all these tidbits of how people like to sum up an entire year and keep you happy to look to the future. it is very interesting, cuz you see what people think ofyou, i mean no one is going to be mean to you in your year book (except for jeff hall, he is so nice to everyone, but he always puts somewhat mean things in my year book, this years was better, but i mean it wasn't as happy or cherry as it could have been *just kidding bro*) so you get a somewhat propagandaized version of who you are, what goodparts of you this person sees. there are 4 types of year book signing styles:
1)the comic style, where usualy the person will just put humorous things about random what nots to bring about happiness on later readings, this person is insecure and dosn't know you very well, the didn't know what ot write so they resort to being "cute"
2)Recalling the past, this style is used by the people you used to be really good friends with but have grown upart, at times for differn't reasons, so they have no idea whatyou are like now, so they just put down a bunch of things about what you guys used to do, and how you need to get back together and hangout, "no seiously i am not just saying that" that is the first sign of a retrosepective signing, and there is nothing wrong, cuz it is fun to think about the past, you know why we like the past? cuz we can leave out the parts we don't like and make the parts we do bigger, we have no controlover the future that is why people put off future plans soo much.
3)then the future folk, they don't know you very well, and they spend most the time talking about, how they wish they knew you better cuz you are such a great person, which is usually fallowed with a we NEED to hang out this summer, and often times a number is left, that is sign number 1 of a future folk, they love to leave their numbers, and there also is nothing wrong with the future folk cuz 1 out of ever 4 really mean it and you guys will get tighter and what not, so you can put up with the 3 dorks for that one pesron
4)my personal favorite, the true good friend, often includes a special message, and inside joke and a plans for the future, these ones are my favorite, cuz you get to see what your real friends want you to think about them come 20 years down the road, but you do cherris these ones the most, they ar the ones who take up half the page, don't worry about the fancy pens, they just write and it usualy is the most beautiful out of all the types, the most enjoyable in later readings.
well this ended up a lot father away from where it started or where i had it planned, but hell why not, this is my webpage i can put what i want and do what i wish right? well since i can do what ever i like i would like to do something i don't usually do, but i think it needs to be done, i would like to thank all my new friends who have been so great, you guys make me soo happy, Cynthia, Melanie, Timmy, Ellen, Cory, young tillor, Doug, Jourdan, Becky, Amy, the whole crew, damn i am so stoked we are all tight and this summer will rule!

2001-06-13T18:20:00.000-07:00

What is up with parents and grades? so i am getting 2 c's, calm down. i mean who cares? i know you just want the best for me, but cmon ease up off me, you ever thought i might do better if you didn't put so much preasure on me? parents don't realize how much preasure they put on you. bitchen about grades part one, there will deffinatly be more to come!!!!

2001-06-06T22:34:00.000-07:00

i am jack's complete dissapointment, WARNING< I AM GOING TO WHINE AND GO ONE FOR THE NEXT FEW MINUTES SO IF YOU DONT WNAT TO HEAR ME WALLOW IN MY SELF PITTY PLEASE GO HAVE FUN, MIGHT I RECOMEND www.jonessoda.com

WHY me? sorry i hate to steal Katies catch phrase, but why the fuck me? i am a good person, right? yes i am a good person, i am not mean to people i give it my all, i put my heart into things. i am a good person, people like me. SO WHY THE FUCK Can't i ever be good enough. today i didn't make wind ensamble, and to the rest of the world this may be no big wooop, but to me it is a big deal, i have always dreamed of being in this band, well i didn't make it, god damn it. why can't i ever make it? i guess i am just feeling stupid right now, cuz all my friends are soo good at so many things and i am quite jealous of that, and band was my one place i coudl shine and i cna't even do that any more. i am sorry for wasting this space, these words, your time, sorry mom sorry god, sorry jeff i have just listened to my self and i sound retareded, but fuck it sometimes you need to sound retarded. WOAH IS ME~!

2001-06-04T21:50:00.000-07:00

today, as i was driving, driving past the places i go in my life, where all these incredible memeories were created. I realized why i want a girl friend, or at least a female friend that we were very close of sorts. I want a girl for after football games, well there are tons of other reasons, but i want a girl who goes to all my football games. And after everysingle game she comes and runs on the field and right as i pull my helmet off she is on me, with her arms around me. no matter how muddy i am, how bluddy or wet, just puts her arms around me, wipes my face clean of all the soil that a game can cause to fall on ones face, and smiles at me with these beautiful eyes. i want her to wait for me after i go to the locker room, i want to come down those stairs in victory, with a big smile on my face, with a fresh white t-shirt on my shorts new and clean, with ice on my shoulder and tape still on my fingers she takes my hand and walks to me to her car, so i don't have to drive home from the game. and after that, i really don't care what happens, but i just want to know that after every of one of my football games, even if i make a mistake or have the best game of my life, she will be down there smiling and ready to hug and hold me, no matter how dirty i am. That is what i want in a girl, all other things will just fall in place, i want a football girlfriend. i want a little basket of candy on game days, i want a football girl.

2001-05-31T13:47:00.000-07:00

these past couple days i have been very ill, i don't know what from, at first i was very angry, because i am very far behind in my work at school and it is "crunch" time if you will, but i have had an ipiphany (or how ever you spell it), the world is full of beauty. i have decided that i am going to start carrying around a camera, i see so many beautiful things everday. i used to think mountains were beautiful, and flowing streems and such. i am not saying they aren't beautiful, o contrare, but sometimes certain things touch your soul, go straight to you. last weekend i broke (well justin rather) a guitar string on "diana" (my pride and joy), well yesterday i finally got around to changeing the string, i have this anal thing with her that when i break one string i change all of them. so i just picked up my guitar and it sounds so incredibly beautiful, there arn't words that can express the incredible sound it is producing today, i want to take apicture of these new string before they are warn by the oils of my fingers and who ever else shall caress her. when i woke up today. i could see out of my window and there was blue sky, but it was still somewhat reddish from the rising sun, it was so beautiful looking through my window towards the heavens, i want a pictue of that. Then i took a short trip to school today, i didn't feel well, but my day was mildy brightend by someone, someone beautiful. Fire alarms are beautiful, they make the world guess, is this real or just a test? well that isn't the thng that brightend my day, it was what i saw durring this alarm. as i walked out in slow gant (due to my illness i have very little energy lately, so i move quite slow) someone called my name, but it wasn't a call it was simply spoken, it was cynthia, i know she won't agree with me, but today, when i saw her, she was the most beautiful thing i have seen in a long time, it gave me a smile that my stuborn pain took away before anyone could see it. it may sound consided but for all i know the only reason i ever met cynthia was to see her today, for that made me a truly happy person. so if you ever see me with a camera embrace it for i am gathering beautiful things and more than likely your on my list of things that i need pictues of.

2001-05-28T18:09:00.000-07:00

i have one thing to say to the world right now, fuck the world, who needs it? why do we put our selves through it, i mean we are raised to go to schoo and get good grades and be our parents robots, then what happens durring each year of elementary school? we prepare our selves for the next year of school, which then only prepares us for the year after that, THEN when you get in 5th grade there is this whole big deal aobut how you have to start getting ready for middle school! Then middle school, ah yes middle school? what is middle school there for? you guessed it, only so it can prepare us to high school! So what is up with high school? if i had a dollar for every time a teacher said, you will neeed to know this in college, or in college you won't be able to get away with things like that. So then we get into college, and life is fun and dandy but guess what college is preparing us for? LIFE!!!!!! yes, LIFE, the big scary life. So here you are in life, all you hear is "when iwas your age, just starting out" and la la la la. so what do you do with life, then all of a sudden some crazy guy comes up to you and says, "man, just wait till retierment, then life will be perfect". so here you are, working your ass to make money for your kids and wife and putting a ton away for this blessed retirement. So you hit retirement and all of a sudden you are preparing everything for you death. Wait a second what the fuck? you whole life is just to prepare for death? call me crazy, but i want to live now, i want to say fuck you world let me live now. so here it is world "fuck you", i am giong to live now!

2001-05-27T12:21:00.000-07:00

what if life was only a dream and some day you just woke up and you wern't who you thought you were, you lived in a totally differn't place, had a totaly differn't house, looked totally different, were say younger or older, but you had just woken up from a dream that was this other persons life story, what if you met that person, just walking down the street. What if you were the personyou love, in this dream of life you fall in love and marry someone then when you wake up, you are the person you married, yet you were married to a totally differn't person. What if we got a second chance on life, would u change anything, do you think that if you knew the ending would you life differntly. If you knew all the answers would life be as much fun. Penny for your thoughts?

2001-05-20T22:58:00.000-07:00

Ever reached that point in your life where you just see no reason to keep trying or try to save your self? like right now in school, i am quite behind and i feel like why do i even try, i mean it is going to take so much work to accually make a difference? Then i just have to slap my self and be like god damn it josh, get your fat ass up and go do your homework, but ussually i just get up and go get something to eat, which isn't a good thing either, but that is a whole other story. i really need to do some work this week, i am going to ashland which i alooking foward to very much, but it could be detramental to my studdies, so if anyone out there wants to help me at all just contact me.

Today was a good day, it was my last performace in "rumors" which has its sads and happies, i guess i had a really good cast party, which basicly was me and a few others (sarah sedlock mostly, she stuck by my side the whole time, well mostly cuz i was giving her a ride home) chillin in the park and playing my guitar, very very fun. Well last night was one of the greatest nights of my life, had a blast at the cast party, then me and tyler laws (a total badass) went out on a drive at 1 in the morning we went everywhere and we just talked it was incredible how much tyler and i have incomon about opinions, some times frosh can be the coolest cuz they remind you of what you were like when you were that age, when you haddn't have had all the crazy shit happen to you, when you wern't looking at colleges, when high school was still new. (PS> tyler, you are a great guy, and YOU are my hero!.), i love that feeling you get when you know you have someone who will listen to you like really listen, or when you feel totally loved.

2001-05-19T13:58:00.000-07:00

i have come to the sad realization that some people in this world are just never going to be happy. if you can't look past the sad things in life toward the good you can not survive. you have to forgive, you have to lighten up, dont take life so seriously. If there is 2 things i wish i could live my life by it would be this, honestly and love, if a person can master those life is just a breeze. you have to love one and another, with out that we hav enothing, we are all lost souls, yes we often get hurt but we NEED help, we NEED people to back us up. I have just recently been hanging out with a female, i got to know her very well then all of a sudden her heart was consumed with darkness, from anger and unforgiveness and pain and jealousy. I tried to help her, but sometimes people just don't want help, and at first it made me sad, very sad to see this person in pain an suffering, and what made me even more sad is that i couldn't do anything about it. i have come to the deduction that world is one ball of shit, bad things happen, you get hurt, but that isn't life, life is what you make of this ball of shit, how you effect others, how you love people, that is wha tmakes life worth living with out that, why live? why keep going? i say give up with trying to fit in this ball of shit, i say change it, i say love people, i say love yourself, i say survive and the only way to do that is to live and the only way to do that is one simple thing... love. life is beautiful, your task today is to find something beautiful and take a mental picture. then love someone.

2001-05-14T23:20:00.000-07:00

Today was one roller coaster of a day. To start it off i got a refural, WHAT THE FUCK!! i was so pissed, via sra moss. well if that wasn't enough i had to go talk to placieo, fucker, igot in more truble cuz i am white upstanding person, yeah i hate people who compisate with raicism by more racism, that pisses me off so much. For many reasons, i got a lecture for nothing, and i was right and he was wrong, and he has the crazy eye thing. Well if that wasnt' enough, i sucked ass in wt training today which always makes me very very upset. then wheni got chemestry i found out there was a test, not like having more time would have changed anything is just i dislike them very much. Well then my day was incredible, i got to see the dalai lama, do you understand yes the dalai lama, that isn so fucking incredible. he spoke, and it really touched me, i also got to ride back to town with Kayla, who i havn't got to talk to in a while and it was fun, also i got to see kerry, my exgirlfriend from albany at the lama thing, which was great cuz we are really good friends, well that is good fortonight, if you want to know more about the lama email me, id love to talk about him

2001-05-13T01:56:00.000-07:00

Tonight was a strange night in the life of josh, i went through a crazy funk, i didn't want to do anything, eveyone thought i was depressed and i really wasn't. Tell me if i am alone in this thought, doyou ever wish you would get hit by a car and loos the abilty to walk, cuz you could have a problem and know for sure how it happened and whos fault it is. well the night didn't get much better, i have come to the sick sad realization that josh's attempts at a girl have been twarted yet again. I am so sick of getting rejected. I am getting used to it, but the big deal too me about this rejection is that i thought i had a chance and i laid it all on the line, i mean my antics made her day and were very special to her, which is why i did it, not to win her over, but none the less. Well that is enough of my mildy dissapointing day.

2001-05-12T00:53:00.000-07:00

Well tonight, ah yes, one of the greatest nights of my life. There is a certain female that shall remain nameless she knows who she is, and anyone who is anyone knows who she is that i am totally into. She is just my type, well a couple nights ago i decied to write her a song, i tend to do that when i feel strongly about something. Well i was finally able to use this bitchen riff i have been fooling with for a while. Let me first allude to the fact that this amazingly wonderful girl has always wanted to have a song sung to her (i upped the anty by adding me writting it). Alas, i was keniving and asked a good friend of hers for some help, i did it at one of the greatest spots in town, sharris, very romantic, well i didn't play it as well as i could nor did i sing it, but i still think it made her happy and that is all that matters,i mean, what it all comes down to is, does it even mattef if we ever hook up? i made a very good friend of mine happy tonight and that is handsdown the greatest feelings one can ever have.

2001-05-12T00:47:00.000-07:00

Hello, this is josh's other side, the mellow relaxed side, maybe even the depressed side of him, here is where will let it all hang out and tell you what he thinks about things.